That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
