I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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