$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
