I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
