Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
