Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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