Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
