I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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