very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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