so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
