How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
