I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
