I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
