OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
