Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
