He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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