Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
