Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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