When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's blow job season.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
