i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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