Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Shame - the story of my life.
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