I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
