I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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