My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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