i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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