Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
