dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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