I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
