he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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