i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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