I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize