Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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