he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
