i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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