Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
