Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
