party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
