Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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