she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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