I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
