How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
