My liver just broke up with me...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think people are normalizing furries
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
