Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
