i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
