I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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