tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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