my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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