She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
