our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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