were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
