just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize