sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize