Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
