I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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