sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
