your parents love me but you hate me
i barfeds in our rink
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
