walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize