Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
