I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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