sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
