well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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