I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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