I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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