I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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