I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize