just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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