I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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