ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
