Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
