I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
