I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
